I stood looking at all the people who were walking past and the cars speeding by. I was sitting on a bench in front of where I live. Moving here after he left had left me for his younger girlfriend and getting a house for her. Then he took my daughter with him because he had to maintain control. Him and his girlfriend didn't want her there, They just had to maintain control. Then the rumors started. He had started telling everyone I was the one who cheated. I worked from home and never went out, But I was the one who was cheating apparently. He cheated on me constantly through our marriage but I was the one who ruined things. He was a fraud who pretended with everyone, however, behind closed doors his masked dropped and I was the one who suffered. When i finally started standing up for myself his narrative changed to I was crazy. Now he took my son and I was alone. I thought maybe if I just ended it the hurt would finally leave me I would be free. I stood up and gaged the cars. I started to step forward and a strong set of arms went around me and I heard, "Trust me that will not stop the pain."
He held her at arm's length looking at her with all the care and concern that one in this situation could. Then he asked her the one question that she had avoided since they had first met.
"What did he do to you to make you feel like you don't deserve life?"
She looked at him with tears in her eyes and said, "More than you will ever know."
He leads her to a bench and sat her down. He needed to know so he could help her. He looked at her and could almost see the darkness that enveloped her like a shroud.
"I want to help you. But to help you though I need to know the truth. You were married for over eighteen years and things are so bad you don't even want to exist. Please I am begging you tell me the story so I can help you."
"Do you really want to know all the baggage? You will think me weak and not worth it by the time you hear everything."
"Tell me please."
"Okay fine but don't say I didn't warn you," She said.
"Its funny when I met him I never would have thought that we would have ended up married with our babies. When I was in high school I excelled in English. My English teacher asked me to tutor a student that was having a lot of trouble in her class. She told me it would be extra credit that would secure my A unless I bombed a test. So she set up the tutoring and I came in after school. She said he would be there soon so I just started doing my homework and waited. After a half an hour I went to get on my cloths for winter flag core because we had practice before marching band practice. I came back finished my homework and looked at the clock. I looked at my teacher and apologized that I couldn't wait anymore. I went to leave the classroom and was hit by a bus. Well it wasn't a bus but him. Thanked god I had changed because the skirt I was wearing would have been an embarrassing situation . I stood up and walked out and he stood up and went to the teachers desk."
"Not even a I'm sorry."
"Nope. I heard him tell our teacher that he lost track of time. She said his tutor left for the day. When he asked who it was she said that young lady you just pushed down. I kept walking going to my locker. When he finally caught up I was putting my stuff away. I felt bad because his work sucked so I gave him another chance making it clear either he shows up on time or get a new tutor. Funny thing is after all this time unless it means something to him he is always late. Kids school, my work or appointments that are important to the rest of us but not him. It doesn't matter the time he is always late. That's why people started telling him a earlier time to get him to meet him on time."
"Why is he like that?"
"To be honest? To make himself feel important I guess."
"Wow he is a real piece of work. Has he ever got better over the years?" He asked.
"Nah to be honest except for his job he is still late to everything. He has lost a lot of people in his life due to the way he is," I said.
"What changed?" He asked.
"We became friends. There was a crush on both our ends but it was never the right time for either of us. I dated my oldest daughter's father and got pregnant and then he met his first wife and they were forced into getting married when her Grandma caught them together. He went and got married and I was with my ex. After he divorced his ex-wife we started a relationship. He was good to my daughter A and acted like he cared."
"You had a handful of kid with him," He said.
I laughed and said, "Your right. My kids are the best part of the marriage."
After we got together I got pregnant with our daughter J. He was so excited to be a first time dad but before hand I should have seen the signs he was not ready to be a husband, father or family man."
When we got home from the hospital the first night after having J it was also Christmas Eve. I had to take care of J after a lengthy labor, Put our A to bed and then get the Christmas gifts out and get them under the Christmas tree. What was he doing during this time? Playing video games. Then when the J woke up he was like well aren't you going to pick her up and change her diaper. After I changed and fed her she was awake for another hour. I looked at the clock and realized that A was going to be up in another three hours. He had went to bed already and I just dragged J cradle into the living room and laid on the couch and napped. Thankfully J slept a solid two hours and woke up to be fed and changed. I was still feeding J when my oldest woke up. I tried waking my ex so we could have presents and he slept. So I distracted A by telling her we were waiting for daddy and her auntie would be here soon. Thankfully my sister in law arrived about an hour later and had A help her make pancakes for breakfast. Then she went in to be a grinch and wake him up.
I was so tired by then and my sister in law noticed and said, "Go take a shower and a nap I will bottle feed J so you can sleep."
My ex was so full of himself he said, "She doesn't need your help she is not that tired."
I do not know what was said because she laid J in the cradle and pushed me into the bed room. After my shower she came in with a plate of food and told me to hide and eat. She made sure that J was okay and was played with A. I woke up a few hours later and felt more awake. However, this was when the family arrived to visit and give gifts. After all the family left he made a comment that I didn't need help and I could do it on my own. Then he complained no one cooked dinner. I made him a ham sandwich and sides from the food our families had brought over and he threw a fit i didn't make a traditional Christmas dinner. I asked him when in the last few days I would have had a chance. He got mad and sat at the computer making a comment of if I really gave a shit about him and the kids I would have made the effort. My last day of work was on December 21. I went into labor on December 22 and was in the hospital till December 24th after giving birth. When J was born both sets of our parents said they would bring food to us as there was no way I could cook on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Even on Christmas Eve his sister came over after we got home with a bunch of take out. She brough Pizza, Chinese, Subs, and Burgers from McDonalds and a Family meal from KFC so we could eat and watch Christmas movies. There were even many leftovers from that. The night before she said she had talked to all the family and had them bringing us food on Christmas Day as she said there is no way that I would be able to cook with a newborn and just coming home. My parents brought us a whole pan of lasagna, a pan with ham and containers of sides. His mom brought a pan of turkey and all her sides as well as a bunch of finger foods. He was not wanting for food but he wanted to find something to complain about."
"I was very lucky the first week after J was born." I said. "My sister in law was off from college and she was a saint. She wanted me to rest and even told him he should get off his ass and help me."
He got mad and told her that I was to picky about the house and he didn't know where anything was. She reminded him not to gently that we just moved into the house two weeks ago and no one knew where anything was. She told him to man up and that I was not his made and he better get his ass off the computer and start helping me.
When J was sleeping I worked on a scarf for my sister in law as a thank you. She went to college in Tennessee and it was cold up there. I was always in the same room as my oldest and to be honest when I was healing my daughter and I did a lot of tv watching as well as games and reading. At night when he went to bed and I was up cleaning as much as I could. I would rest at the computer and I found survey sites where I could earn extra money and gift cards to stores. I signed up for a PayPal account to have money go into and a Wal-Mart account I could add the gift cards to. I put the account information into my passwords book and hid the information and did not save it as I did not want him to know about it. I figured I could earn extra money in case I wanted something because he was getting very annoyed if I asked him for anything for me. Right before my maternity leave was up I had joked you might want to practice changing diapers because you will have to do that when I go back to work. I had arranged with my job to work around his days off as he worked four 10 hour days.
He was angry I was going back to work and I reminded him that we needed the income. Then A became sick. My mother in law was a CNA and said I needed to take her to the Doctor immediately. We found out she had scarlet fever. My mother in law took A to her house so her and my father in law could take care of her and not get J sick. The following week J ended up with a unrelated bacterial infection and had to be admitted to the hospital for a week. He still had to work and threw a fit that I asked he bring me up clothes. His Mom ended packing me a bag with everything I needed and a few books so I could take care of J at the hospital. She also drove me to my job so I could submit the medical leave paperwork. J was in the hospital for over a week as the Doctors and nurses tried to get rid of the infection she had and bring her fever down.
The whole time J was in the hospital, he showed up maybe 4 hours. I was so tired by the time we were discharged because I did everything for her when she was in there. If the pediatric ward was slow a nurse would come in and watch over J so I could shower and nap. But she was was fussy and wanted me most of the time. I sat in the chair and the nurse bought me a second that I could put my feet up in. She understood the bed in the room was not comfortable. When J was finally discharged he made a big deal about stopping at Walmart and needing to get a game he wanted. I do not get why he did not just go when I was not at home because his mom had A. Later on I realized that it was his way to control the situation.
Once we were home I realized he had to have had someone here why I was at the hospital with J. I did not want to push the subject because I was tired and needed real rest. J's crib was in our room and I laid her down when she fell sleep and I took a nap. I woke up when I heard J fussing and saw he was engrossed on his computer. As I made J a bottle and fed her he asked what is for dinner. Looking at him I told him something easy as I am tired and had to go food shopping soon. Looking in the cabinet and freezer I told him I was going to make a basic spaghetti. He said fine whatever. When I finished getting J fed and ready for sleep I went into the kitchen and realized he was not home. I went outside and his car was gone. While he was gone I made A some spaghetti o's and jumped into the shower.gt When I came out he was sitting at his computer eating checkers. I said I thought I was cooking dinner and he said, No I did not want that so I went out and got me food.
Looking at him I asked if he got me anything and he said, No why would I.
Walking away he said I should have told him I wanted something. I replied you never told me you were going out and you should have maybe thought of me as I was in taking care of our child. I went and made a bowl of cereal and he threw a fit later I did not cook. When I pointed out he did not want it so I ate cereal for dinner he got angry and dumped out a full box of cereal on the ground and went to bed. I cleaned up the mess and fed J again. While he was sleeping I worked on a few surveys to earn some extra money then I went to bed.
The next morning A got up looking for cereal and settled on a quick oatmeal. Thankfully there is a small store at the corner of our road. I ran down and got some cereal for A. What my ex did not know was I was able to get us signed up for food stamps and since he throws his paystubs on my dresser I was able to get food stamps without him knowing so I didn't have to beg for money for groceries. The money I had saved from the surveys I did I saved as much as possible or for emergencies. He spent money hand over fist and without those few dollars and the food stamps I would not have been able to feed the kids or have diapers.
Since he worked overnight it was easier for me to do surveys after A went to bed and J was settled. I had quite a few sites I did surveys at and did them as often as I could. Since he slept during the day I always get the mail and I had a private PayPal account that had a card incase i needed items for the kids if he fought me in anything."
He whistled and took my hand walking me back to my house. We went inside and he said, "That is a load of crap you know. You have two kids that you needed to support."
Chuckling I said, "I agree. But that is who he is."
"So what happened next?" He asked.
"A and J got sick," I said. "A started getting a rash and running a fever. We took A to the doctor and before I brought her in I told the nurse what was going on. The nurse thanked me and brought me in through a side entrance. As soon as she saw A she said do not leave the room. The pediatrician came in and told us she had scarlet fever."
"I was exhausted and told the pediatrician that A had been around J," I said. "The Pediatrician said we would have to keep them separated."
"My ex husband asked to use the phone and the nurse took him to a phone across the hall," I chuckled. "This was before cell phones. When he came back he said, His Dad is out of town this week and his mother will take A as she was a CNA."
"I went to say something but the Doctor said, That is a good thing as I would need to watch over J incase she was to get sick." I said. "My ex mom met us at the Pediatricians office and took A back to her house. When we got home J was fussy and my ex was like, You need to quiet her down while you get A bag ready."
I sat there for a minute and said, "She needs to eat and I need to pack A a bag. Can you please feed her a bottle?"
He looked at me and went to our room shutting the door behind him as he said, "No."
Grabbing a bottle I fed her as I packed a bag for A. When my ex's Mom came to my house she looked at me and said, "You look like shit."
I told her, "Well, if your Son would help once in a while, it would not be so bad. When we got back, I asked him to feed J while I packed A a bag and he said no and walked into the bedroom and went to bed. I have had 3 hours sleep in the last 30 hours and he has not worked or helped me but he is going to complain about everything."
"Well, he is working tonight," SHe said.
"No, he took the week off," I said. "He used A being sick as an excuse to game all week, and I am still struggling to get two hours of sleep."
"Well that is part of being a Mom," SHe said, taking A's bag and getting in her car. "No one feels sorry for you. Its a mom's job to take care of her kids."
She pulled out and left. I put the baby in her wearable carrier. I started a load of laundry as J was wide awake and not tired. So she helped me start laundry and scrub A's and her room down top to bottom. I fed J again and placed her in her crib to sleep. I grabbed the baby monitor and went to take a quick shower. Laying down on the couch I wanted to rest until my Ex came out of our room and kicked the couch I was laying on. He asked, "What is for dinner?"
"Its fend for yourself night," I said. "I am exhausted and just got J down to sleep. I need to take a nap."
He gave me a horrible smile and yelled, "Oh you just put the baby to sleep and need a nap instead of cooking me food. Fuck you. He walked out and slammed the door. J woke up screaming at the top of her lungs."
Picking J up, I changed her diaper and cuddled her in the rocker. My ex came in with steak and shake. He looked at me and told me, "Oh, she is up It looks like you had time to cook after all."
Cuddling her more, I said, "Nope, no time as she is my priority, not you."
He went to his computer and started to play a game. Before you ask he didn't bother to get me anything to eat. When I got J back down, I went into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of Ramen. Since it was late and my Ex had eaten, I went into the room and changed into pajamas while I waited for my ramen to cool off. When I came out my bowl of ramen was gone. Going to see my ex husband he was sitting there eating my food. I said, "What the hell. That was my dinner. I literally left it to cool for 2 minutes."
He shrugged and said, "You're too fat you need to lose weight."
"I have not eaten anything today," I said. "I have been taking care of the baby and A before her doctor's appointment."
"He took your food and called you fat," He said.
"Yeah," I said. "I walked away and went into the kitchen to see what I could make. He came in and said, let us go have sex."
Looking at him, I said, "You have to be out of your mind. I am three weeks postpartum and can't. Besides, even if I could, I feel so loved when you call me fat and eat my flipping dinner."
He got mad and threw the Ramen bowl on the floor and walked outside. I had to pick up the broken glass and mop the floor up. I was so angry. He came back in and said, "Women can have sex two weeks after they have a baby.:
Looking at him I said, "That is if they were being taken care of properly. Something you have not done for me. So if you want to get off go ahead and jerk off in the bathroom."
He left saying, "Maybe I will just get someone else to fuck."
The house phone rang and it was my ex's mom. She was like, "He is coming to stay over here tonight. You have not been a good wife and he needs a break."
"Well he has been a shit husband," I said. "But at least I will get a break from him."
I hung up the phone and went to the kitchen to find food. Since the baby was sleeping I made a quick dinner and sat at the computer working on some surveys. Thankfully I always did the surveys on the incognito screen because he snuck home as I was picking J back up for her night feed. He grabbed some clothes and left again.
After I fed J I saw it was going on ten thirty. I put J in her cradle and did surveys until midnight. I spent the next thirty minutes cleaning up and went to bed. When J woke up at 5am I got up and started to do the basic chores. Around six I got a call from my ex and he said, "I m staying here for a few days and you can think about your behavior."
I hung up the phone and walked to the laundry room to start laundry. A few minutes later his sister called me and asked, "What happened?"
I told her everything that had happened. She asked, "Has he done anything since I came back to college?"
"Nothing," I said. "He still tells me that everything is my job and his job is to work, pay bills and do what he wants. The worse thing is your Mom encourges him in this behavior and tells me I need to be a better wife."
J woke up screaming and I picked her up. My sister in law asked, "Is she alright?"
Feeling J's head I said, "No she is warm. Let me take her temperature."
I took her temperature and she was at 100. I said, "Looks like J is not feeling to hot. Let me call her pediatrician and see what they want me to do."
"Keep me posted," She said. "I am going to call Mom's house and have a word with my brother."
I called the pediatrician and they said since A had scarlett fever they wanted to see J as soon as possible. I called my in laws house and my mother in law asked, "Well what do you want me to do I have A."
"Send your son home so he can take me to the pediatrician," I said. "He can throw his fit later once we know J is alright."
She handed the phone to my ex and he asked, "Do they really want to see her or are you being dramatic?"
"You know what I will find someone else to take us," I said. "I cannot do this with you."
Hanging up I called my Grandma. I told her my ex was working and told her that I needed to take J to the Doctor. Grandma was at my house ten minutes later and she waited while we saw the Doctor. The Doctor looked her over and said, "It looks like she has a virus. We are testing the blood work and will call you if we think she needs additional medication."
Grandma brought me back home and I called my sister in law and told her what was going on. She asked, "He told me you were being dramatic. I am sorry Angie, call me later and let me know what happens."
At this time I was folding laundry and there was a knock at the door. One of the pastors was standing there and said, "Susan called me as she is an emergency contact for the kids. The pediatrician was trying to reach you. They want you to get J to the hospital as something came up with her blood work. Call them and get a bag ready. I will drive you."
As h held J I ran through the house to pack a bag and threw myself a bag together. When I was finished he handed me J to put in her car seat and we went to the hospital. When I got there he said to call if I need a ride home and the hospital staff brought me to the pediatric ward. The nursing staff was having a problem getting an IV into J because she was slightly dehydrated and called for he Dr. That is when my ex came in. He didn't say anything to me, he came and sat in a chair. The Doctor came in and joked, "I guess I should get this done so I don't miss my golf game."
First so you know my Doctor hates golf, however he knew my ex liked it. My ex got mad and walked out of the room. The Doctor looked at J and said, "I do not want to put an IV unless I can get it in her ankle or would have to go in her head."
He was able to get the IV in her ankle and I asked, "What is exactly worng with her?"
The nurse signaled my ex to come in and he stood near the door arms crossed. The doctor replied, "We think she has a bacterial infection. It could be related to A scarlet fever. We will continue to monitoring it over the weekend. Now I am out of town starting tomorrow for a medical conference and have brought my partner up to speed and he will be checking in tomorrow. For now, the nurses will get you settled in a room. Will you both be staying?"
Before I could say anything my ex said, "No I will check on her in the morning."
He walked out and left. I was settled in the room to the pediatric ward with J and the phone rang. I answered and my sister in law said, "Now that my mom blew everything out of proportion, what is actually going on?"
I explained everything that happened from Pastor coming by to her brother leaving. When I was done she said, "Lord okay I will check in with you in the morning. I am going to call and talk to A."
"Okay," I said. The burse came in and I asked, "Can I feed her like I normally would? I have her formula and clean bottles?"
The nurse said, "That is why I am here. What formula is she on?"
I took out the formula can, and she said, "We have premade bottles for her. When she is ready to eat we will bring you some. We need to tack how much she is drinking and eating. Now for you, You are here in time for dinner so we will bring you a tray when they are delivered. I need to know if you have food allergies."
I explained my pennicilling allergy and what affects it. She nodding with understanding and she said, "Thank you we will notate that with the dietary. Should we expect your husband back?"
Shaking my head, I said, "No, you should not."
I checked on J in the crib she was in and seeing her asleep, I laid my hand on her back. She seemed a bit cooler, and I sat down and opened my notebook. I was working on a story that I had been writing. Turning to the back of the book, I started jotting down new story ideas. When J woke up she was very cranky. Tapping the nurse button she came in and smiled, "She said, "Well, it looks like sleep did not agree with her. Let me get her a bottle for you and see if she will eat some."
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